I stumbled upon Openly Straight in one of my library apps. I had recently read Simon vs. the Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, and absolutely loved it, and this book has a similar setting and character elements. Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg is told by Rafe, a rising senior from a liberal Colorado town. Rafe came out earlier in high school and is wholly embraced and celebrated by his family and friends. Despite his abundance of support and community in his hometown, he decides that he wants to have a fresh start and spend his senior year at an all-boys boarding school in New England. At this new school, he wants a chance to be “just Rafe” and not “Rafe the Gay Guy.” He wants to have people to know him for more than just his sexuality.
I really enjoyed the book. It’s funny and romantic. I loved Ben the love interest as a character, and as someone who works to be an LGBTQ+ ally, I appreciated the new perspective the book’s central conflict provided.
My unpopular opinion is that the parents and the BFF suck. There’s no better word for it. The way they react to Rafe’s decision to not disclose his sexuality at his new school, absolutely sucks. They are great people, but when Rafe wanted to not disclose his sexual orientation to his new classmates, so they could know him for him, they had the entitlement to be disappointed in him. I wanted to reach through the pages and scream at them.
I am a cis-gender, straight woman so I can only talk from the perspective of my gender identity and sexual orientation or from the education I’ve received from those in the LGBTQ+ community, or fellow allies. I am a firm believer that your sexual orientation is no one else’s business, except for your current partner’s. One of the arguments Rafe’s parents used to pressure Rafe into rethinking his decision was how he was a role model back home for LGBTQ+ youth, and that he could be one at his new school as well. I disagreed with this reasoning. Members of the LGBTQ+ community are not responsible for fighting homophobia. That is cis-gender, straight people's job because we're the ones who created homophobia and transphobia, and we reap the privileges of it. We need to listen to our LGBTQ+ loved ones and honor what they want. And if what they want is to not openly express their sexuality for a season, we should respect that. We should never pressure an LGBTQ+ individual to share their sexuality so they can “be an example” for others in the community. We won’t be the ones having to deal with the aftermath of coming out, neither the good nor the bad.
Rafe’s parents were so loving, but ultimately they made his coming out all about them, which really pissed me off. They even let him know how "lucky" he was for having such loving, accepting parents, in comparison to parents who disown their children once they come out. I understood what they were trying to say. It’s along the same lines as when a parent or guardian tries to guilt-trip their kid by reminding them: “Be grateful you always have enough to eat and a safe place to sleep, not every child has that.” But letting your kid know how lucky they are for your love & acceptance means nothing if you are straight. Your kid doesn’t owe you for doing the bare minimum and loving them as they are. As much as you can empathize with your child about millions of other things, there eventually is a limit as to the counsel you can provide if you benefit from a privilege that they do not have: whether that be relating to sexuality, race, or physical or mental capabilities.
So, if you are a cisgender and/or straight person, it’s still important to openly affirm your LGBTQ+ peers. But affirmation does not mean exercising authority over them and telling them what they should or should not do. They have no obligation to heed our opinions or our “feelings” about their sexuality or gender identity.
The LGBTQ+ community is not ultimately responsible for getting rid of the homophobia and transphobia that cis, straight people created. If you benefit from cis-gender, straight privilege, you have no right to be angry if a gay, trans, or non-binary person wants to experience that privilege as well. You have no right to tell them to “stay as they are” when you don’t know what it’s like to navigate life in their shoes.
Openly Straight surprisingly made me emotional, and so I haven’t summed up the energy to read the sequel yet, which focuses more on Ben. The book ended on a little bit of a cliffhanger so when I do regain my energy, I am excited to read its follow-up.